Relationship Goals: It’s Okay to Argue

If you want your relationship to sustain, transparency is a must! One of the most underrated practices of being married is the ability to debate and argue about your dislikes. It is a practice that involves being vulnerable with one another and trusting each other with your hearts. Every couple will have disagreements and will argue from time to time but understand, the point of an argument in marriage is to express those disagreements in hopes to ultimately reach a solution or consensus.

Furthermore, I’m inclined to say that it is okay to argue but only to gain understanding. Arguments become a problem when one or both parties choose not to reconcile, fail to see the other person’s point of view or if acted out in anger and malicious intent instead of love. Moreover, relationships thrive from expression and if done correctly, can open up love nuances that will enhance intimacy on a new level.

Unfortunately, some people have set this standard that couples who argue do not love each other and I can rebuttle that statement and say that a couple who hasn’t argued probably do not know each other. If there is true transparency, certain things will come out about that individual you may simply not like. Certain habits, beliefs or behaviors can and will, oftentimes, differ from your own but working through those differences create strength and durability in your relationship.

Ultimately, arguments shouldn’t divide relationships, they should bring couples together. Arguments leave space for conversation to bring clarity and understanding. The worst thing couples can do is to stay silent on sensitive issues. If you stay silent and choose to throw issues “under the rug,” there is a high probability that those issues will resurface to a greater degree and cause more problems in the relationship that could lead to division or separation.

In my experience, I feel that the more open my wife and I are with each other, the greater the intimacy. Intimacy is not just sex, but can be described as friendship, familiarity or closeness. Transparency is the plug to a greater more affectionate and intimate relationship. Furthermore, it produces healthy hearts. If my wife and I happen to argue, it helps us to know that we are both engaged with each other’s life and it shows we care. It’s only when I’m disconnected that I choose to stay quiet and that’s when I know within myself that I need to let some things out to invite my wife in to what I feel inside of me. This creates intimacy.

Like I mentioned earlier, it’s okay to argue but only to gather understanding and clarity. Arguments should not accumulate and escalate over time creating complaints, strife and complacency. There has to be a level of intimacy and familiarity with one another that allows for healthy discussion and debate; but in order to get to that level you must first know that it is okay to argue.

Lorelco Mulzac


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