Why it’s Hard to Date an Unbeliever
Just last night, my wife was on the phone and she began to pray for a friend. I couldn’t help but join her and intercede with her. It was natural for me but it wasn’t by accident. God placed Wanda Mulzac in my life to complete what He was making whole within me and if it wasn’t for our foundation in God, we would be a mess! God is our anchor and through the tough times of life, we choose not to be afraid because we AGREE in God and trust Him together.
Growing up, my mother always told me, “Don’t you date somebody who’s not saved!” I laughed at the notion and didn’t take it seriously until I actually tried “talking” to someone who was not a believer. We hit it off great! We clicked on an intimate level and we had so much in common, however, there was one thing missing; God. There were things I knew about God that I shared with her but at the end of the day, I never fully felt connected. There was a disparity of belief in God within our connection that caused our relationship to become stagnant and unfruitful. I learned then that it is hard to be connected to someone who believes differently than you. Though opposites attract, when do we factor in our spiritual convictions as a need instead of a compromise?
The problem with our generation is that we love to compromise our beliefs to feel accepted and wanted. We live in a “ME FIRST” generation causing us to push aside what’s not popular to focus on what will get others to like us. I believe this sort of thinking is caused by generations of brokenness and pain that was never dealt with in the homes of the believer. Many have been turned off by the church and have experienced pain within the body of Christ which led them to seek love outside of the church. This is dangerous because we become vulnerable and susceptible to the attacks of the enemy who preys on brokenness. Your brokenness doesn’t belong to the world, it belongs to God. He is the only one who can provide the love you need. Seeking relationships outside of Christ only causes more confusion and detriment to our minds, body and soul. It’s hard to find our purpose being relationships that do not lead us to that purpose. Having the need for things to last in our lives and the desire to feel loved doesn’t start with his or her kiss and touch, or sweet talks and lavish gestures; it starts with God. Without God, I find it hard for anything to last and without Him, I find it difficult to know how it feels to be loved.
The foundation of a relationship has to be built on something more than good looks and an amazing connection. That’s simply not enough. I truly believe that God is the glue that holds relationships together and without Him, it becomes terribly difficult for relationships to stand. I’ve often heard the phrase, “There just isn’t enough good men or women out there…” or “Church boys/Church girls are the worst.” The problem with this thinking is that you’re focusing on the title of how a man is defined in your eyes and are neglecting how God views you and who He has set aside for you. Most times, God is wanting to deal with you and heal the parts in your life that has been broken before He can pair you with the one who can complete your wholeness.
So the question remains, Why is it hard to date an unbeliever? A good relationship prides itself on balance; even on all sides and built on a foundation that will last. It gets difficult because the foundation that is set with a believer and a non-believer is not firm. Relationships that have an uneven balance with their beliefs in God is like a house that is built on sand. It looks good, it feels amazing and it starts off perfect but if something catastrophic happens that forces you to believe in something greater than you, you sink and drift away into the ocean. You have nothing under you to keep you stable or to keep you together. An unbeliever will argue that prayer isn’t necessary. An unbeliever will find it hard to intercede for you in those dark times in life. An unbeliever will find it hard to have faith in things that he or she can’t see. An unbeliever will say, “Just let life happen.” This is what makes life hard for a believer dating someone who doesn’t believe. You aren’t pushed toward your destiny in God, in fact, you’re pushed away from Him unknowingly denying the very existence of God. Everything you know in Him becomes questioned because of the compromise you set for yourself. So what happens is, you place the relationship above God, thus, allowing it to become an idol. You value your personal feelings and flesh over your spiritual convictions in God, therefore, living an average life missing out on all the promises of God and the strength He provides for you in your times of weakness.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 “And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
In your quest for the one God has for you, remember that three are better than two. You both have to agree and create a life that encourages God’s undying love and Grace. It’s only through Him that we can stand strong. What we thought were big and overwhelming fights will only be small and easy to overcome with the help of Christ. Weigh the balance of your heart and ask yourself what God means to you. Don’t compromise what you know to be true in God to be with someone who will, essentially, hinder you from getting closer to Him. Rest in God’s promises and ask yourself if it’s worth it being with someone who doesn’t love God the way you do. You owe it to yourself to be with someone where you can grow in God together (Proverbs 27:17). Don’t subject yourself to darkness if you represent the light (2 Corinthians 6:14). Who you connect with will either grow you or derail you from your promise.